I have a fear. A fear that I won't make it through Crossfit Open 2012. I have been training rigorously as some know, but am I getting closer to where I need to be? Unfortunately, I don't think so. I have been training for competition for exactly 10 weeks, and there are about 9 more weeks left.
You'd think there is enough time. Wrong. There is not.
If I were to tell you I have not made any gains in the past 10 weeks, I would be a liar. If anything, I have made some awesome personal gains; some of which include my 90kgs deadlift, 65kgs back squat, 40kgs squat clean, 30kgs snatch, 1RM Weight-pull ups @ 10kgs, my wallballs are better, my box jumps are improving...I am improving, but am I improving enough to make it?
You see, crossfit is unlike any other competition. There are no weight classes; which is what makes it exciting but also very nerve-wrecking for a 50kgs, 5'2 small girl like me. Most crossfit women who I have seen compete are beasts and majority - not all - but majority weigh in their 60s with experience in Crossfit or other sports.
Yes, I was weight-training before, but not this way. Not even close.
However, when it comes to doing body-weighted movements, my light weight helps; with push ups, pullups....etc, but what worries me is that there will be a big weight thrown in the Open which will immediately disqualify me; especially anything overhead.
Although my overhead position improved SO much in the past 10 weeks; before I was not able to hold more than 5kgs and squat it down without dropping the bar. Yet, I recently did an overhead squat with 25kgs, and HERE is a video similar to what I did with 1kg less.
I have been going for physiotherapy for the past 10 weeks and doing extensive 30-45 minutes mobility exercises everyday (aside from my actual training). The goal of the physiotherapy is to make sure I get mobility, better range of motion, prevent injuries and work on existing injuries.
Yet, I wonder...is it enough? Am I doing enough to make it? Am I doing everything I should be doing to get through?
Another major concern of mine is....DOUBLE-UNDERS! Before Crossfit, I never skipped in my life, let alone do a double-under (which basically when you jump once and the rope goes under your feet twice.) I have been going at it for at least TWO months. I get it occasionally - out of the blue - and then it disappears for a long time. And to be honest, I am not sure how to get them. EVERYONE exhausted their double-under cues to me, I watched numerous videos...and it's just not happening. Will that be what stops me from making it through the open to go through Asia Regionals?
I have quite a lot of these doubts. A lot of people tell me that I have passion and my passion will get me through. I don't think passion without hard work is enough. I have the passion, I am working hard, and spending a lot of money on my training and physio. Yet, I still wonder...is it enough?
I really for once in my life want to do something daring. I never did anything so. I want to make it to the regionals, even if it's just for ONE workout. I know I am not strong enough to make top 10 or go to the Games. Not because *I am not strong as me*, but I am not strong compared to the other women who have years of experience under their belt, while me...I have only been technically doing crossfit for 4-5 months.
It may seem that I am "making excuses", and maybe I am, but my excuses are realistic concerns, too....yet I am still training , working hard, and making gains. So my goal is to keep focusing on getting ME better. Getting ME stronger. Getting me to perfect some skills. Yet sometimes, my body doesn't respond the way I want it to.
I have these fears. And a lot more. They came up sometimes. It's normal and I need to let it out, because if I don't I will be cheating myself and only drive myself crazy with self-doubt.
Yet I am still trying and going to give it a shot - because I never know if I don't try and I don't want to regret not giving it all I've got. But at the same time, I want to be realistic and not disappoint myself if I don't make it or disappoint those who supported me, either.
Yours Truly,
GymFreak @999Fitness
You'd think there is enough time. Wrong. There is not.
If I were to tell you I have not made any gains in the past 10 weeks, I would be a liar. If anything, I have made some awesome personal gains; some of which include my 90kgs deadlift, 65kgs back squat, 40kgs squat clean, 30kgs snatch, 1RM Weight-pull ups @ 10kgs, my wallballs are better, my box jumps are improving...I am improving, but am I improving enough to make it?
You see, crossfit is unlike any other competition. There are no weight classes; which is what makes it exciting but also very nerve-wrecking for a 50kgs, 5'2 small girl like me. Most crossfit women who I have seen compete are beasts and majority - not all - but majority weigh in their 60s with experience in Crossfit or other sports.
Yes, I was weight-training before, but not this way. Not even close.
However, when it comes to doing body-weighted movements, my light weight helps; with push ups, pullups....etc, but what worries me is that there will be a big weight thrown in the Open which will immediately disqualify me; especially anything overhead.
Although my overhead position improved SO much in the past 10 weeks; before I was not able to hold more than 5kgs and squat it down without dropping the bar. Yet, I recently did an overhead squat with 25kgs, and HERE is a video similar to what I did with 1kg less.
I have been going for physiotherapy for the past 10 weeks and doing extensive 30-45 minutes mobility exercises everyday (aside from my actual training). The goal of the physiotherapy is to make sure I get mobility, better range of motion, prevent injuries and work on existing injuries.
Yet, I wonder...is it enough? Am I doing enough to make it? Am I doing everything I should be doing to get through?
Another major concern of mine is....DOUBLE-UNDERS! Before Crossfit, I never skipped in my life, let alone do a double-under (which basically when you jump once and the rope goes under your feet twice.) I have been going at it for at least TWO months. I get it occasionally - out of the blue - and then it disappears for a long time. And to be honest, I am not sure how to get them. EVERYONE exhausted their double-under cues to me, I watched numerous videos...and it's just not happening. Will that be what stops me from making it through the open to go through Asia Regionals?
I have quite a lot of these doubts. A lot of people tell me that I have passion and my passion will get me through. I don't think passion without hard work is enough. I have the passion, I am working hard, and spending a lot of money on my training and physio. Yet, I still wonder...is it enough?
I really for once in my life want to do something daring. I never did anything so. I want to make it to the regionals, even if it's just for ONE workout. I know I am not strong enough to make top 10 or go to the Games. Not because *I am not strong as me*, but I am not strong compared to the other women who have years of experience under their belt, while me...I have only been technically doing crossfit for 4-5 months.
It may seem that I am "making excuses", and maybe I am, but my excuses are realistic concerns, too....yet I am still training , working hard, and making gains. So my goal is to keep focusing on getting ME better. Getting ME stronger. Getting me to perfect some skills. Yet sometimes, my body doesn't respond the way I want it to.
I have these fears. And a lot more. They came up sometimes. It's normal and I need to let it out, because if I don't I will be cheating myself and only drive myself crazy with self-doubt.
Yet I am still trying and going to give it a shot - because I never know if I don't try and I don't want to regret not giving it all I've got. But at the same time, I want to be realistic and not disappoint myself if I don't make it or disappoint those who supported me, either.
Yours Truly,
GymFreak @999Fitness
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